0 This is what happened: Chapter Camp and after at 17:35

I woke up at exactly noon today since I didn't set an alarm, and I've pretty much stayed in bed for the past four and a half hours. I am still in bed. I regret nothing.

The SF/East Bay chapters of Intervarsity had our annual Chapter Camp last week, and I am still processing. Like last year, I don't feel like Chapter Camp marked the end of the year, but rather the beginnings of many good things to come in the future.

I'd like to say Chapter Camp looked like this, but it was actually rainy for 3 of the 5 days and cold and much more indoors than this photo is letting on. But the lake and scenery was very beautiful when it was nice out.

The theme of the week and focus of manuscript study was my favorite book, Philippians.

Drawing helps me listen. My manuscript is underneath my hand  that work of art.

I felt like I learned so much and was fed so much last year when we studied John, a book I'd studied very little of and just didn't understand most of the time. But Philippians I know quite well, so I was wary that I would not learn anything this week. God surprised me and showed me many new things and raised a lot of questions that I am still seeking answers to. One thing I dislike about having manuscript study with a hundred people at once is that there is never enough time to discuss all the questions, and I hunger for those conversations.

I was in the worship track for chapter camp. When people ask me how it was, I have been responding that we prayed a lot, and I will maintain that answer. We prayed pretty much every track time, learning more about what it means to worship and to lead worship, by being in worship. Compared to last year when we did more concretely practical activities, this year was no less good.

Even though every day was pretty full and I was stressed, it felt like people were seizing as many hours as possible to spend time getting to know each other more. Every night in the boy's cabin, this guy and I stayed up talking - about our day, life, and girls.

(He is the one without the colored hair.)

I had many conversations and several good ones that just seemed to happen on their own, and I am glad for them.

Oh, and before chapter camp, I bought a djembe!

It is the small one on the right.

On the last night I cried, a lot. I cried the tears of happiness, of emotions I can't name that just well up and press on my chest and start leaking out of my eyes because I can't help it. Because God is good and answers prayers for things I have hoped for a long time, and kept praying for after I lost hope.

But I guess for the seniors, Chapter Camp did mean good bye because everybody else there was going to see each other again next year. And it meant goodbye for me for some of them.

Though I guess I could not get enough of her. So I drove down to Milpitas yesterday with some frosting in the shape of a cake, to surprise her before she flew off to Hong Kong.

Happy Birthday, mom.

0 Exhortation to Exploration: Sutro Baths and Land's End at 02:32

Today was too beautiful of a day to waste, especially since it is projected to rain in San Francisco for the next two days, so I HAD to get out. Also I've been cooped up in my room practicing all this week. But enough about that.


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I went to one of San Francisco's lesser known historical landmarks, Sutro Baths. But first, I had lunch at Louis' Restaurant which is just up the path from Sutro Baths; It's a little cute red house with a great view of the baths, and the ocean.That's where it is on Google Maps; It looks peculiar and unremarkable from above. So here's a picture of the pool from my point of view.

Nice!

Near that point where I took the picture it got sandy and there was this sinister-looking tunnel to my right, and it was howling. So naturally I had to go in.

Trust me, it was much darker and scarier than my phone camera shows. It was extremely windy the whole time, and it turns out the tunnel didn't lead anywhere - just a blocked off view of some seaside rocks and waves.

I didn't have anywhere to be so I walked up the path on the other side and kept exploring.

One last view of Sutro Baths!

Ugh. All these stairs. I pretty much kept to the left for a long time and kept going. At times I wondered if it was possible bringing Elly here, but I couldn't see myself biking against the wind. It's quite brutal, right next to the ocean.

Eventually I came upon this sight. Hey! That looks familiar. The trail here was smooth enough to bike, but quickly degraded into a sloping dirt path. Oh well.

If you look carefully in the right side, there's a cement semicircle outcrop with benches that you can sit in and enjoy the view. I am about here, now:

Hopefully, you get the idea. Okay let's keep going!

Somewhere along the way I came across this sign:

Mile rock beach? Sounds good. Let's go there! Oh wait:

Stairs! My mortal enemy. Hm, the lens flare makes that path look downright heavenly, but at the time it was so dark it looked like steps leading to the underworld. After stairs, stairs, and more stairs, I got to:

A really neat little beach. I wonder why there are no rocks in that big spot on the beach? Anyway, there was a path up the cliff on the side, so I climbed that.

At first I approached the Land's End point not expecting much. I am here now, by the way:

At this turnaround there was so much wind I was mildly anxious about getting thrown off the cliff. But then I came across a curious bunch of rocks, definitely placed by hand - and I recognized the pattern excitedly before standing over it. (It's curiously cut-off in the google map aerial image. A shame.)

Can you figure out what it is?

It's a labyrinth!

By the way, I risked my life to take that picture! I climbed on another rocky outcrop above the labyrinth, and at this point was completely and fully exposed to the wind in all directions. I felt like my phone was going to fly out of my hands, and then I'd have lost all the pictures I took today! Oh no.

Then I needed to pee, so I went home.

0 This is what I think about that: Things that make life worth living 1 at 23:11

My friend and small group leader V tagged me in a facebook note a while back, of a "list of things that make life worth living. She blatantly admits to plagiarizing the idea from the movie Manhattan by Woody Allen. I haven't seen that movie, but I'll trust that she has good taste in culture.

Here are a few things that make life worth living to me, apart from God's eternal purpose. This is not the first, and will definitely not be the last time I count my blessings.

-Standing at the highest point of a city
-Animal style cheeseburger from In n' Out
-Reading the last line of a book
-Successfully making a delicious cup of coffee
-The silence of the audience after finishing a piece
-Golden Temple's Blueberry Flax Granola
-Dinner with (fake) mom every Monday night
-Rimsky-Korsakov's Scheherazade, especially the 4th movement
-David Crowder* Band
-Biking faster than moving cars

Sights I saw, like at this moment:

0 This is what happened: Dream 1 at 02:27

Bliss is a perfect word for this.

At least, just awesome.

I stirred the water a little with my legs. The water was so calm. No breezes around to disturb me. No wind carrying dust between me and the sun.

No responsibilities, nowhere to get to, no plans. It's just me and the water. And this inflatable flotation pad.

Should I put on some sunscreen? I'll definitely get a burn.

No.... I'm too lazy to get up. This feels too good.

I shifted my weight enough to tumble into the water. Wait, I can't swim!... Or can I?

I started swimming, freestyle. I was moving forward. I didn't have any trouble breathing - no sudden panic of water filling my open mouth, no automatic gag reflex, no urge to stop and immediately thrash about until my head was clear above the water again. I am swimming.

I swam and swam.

0 This is what I think about that: Selective Memory at 01:55

My selective memory is pretty amazing.

To me, at least. A few minutes ago I suddenly got the feeling that something happened today that I was supposed to forget.

Someone told me to forget/never mention again something. I guess I forgot it pretty darn well, because I just couldn't remember.

I then tried really hard to remember what it was that I forgot.

No, not that repressed memory, no... keep going. It happened today.

Ah.

It took me a while but I remembered what I forgot on purpose.

I don't know where in the world I got the ability to repress memories so well. Once, J told me her password, and then to forget it a half hour later. And so I did. I don't even know what letter it starts with or what color it was.

I wonder what else I have forgotten on purpose. But I wouldn't know, would I?

0 This is what I think about that: In the Wonderful Month of May at 01:18

I am studying this song, Im Wunderschonen Monat Mai, as part of preparation for my music history final exam tomorrow. I'm certain he won't test us on this, though, because he used it as an example in the review session today.

The words are taken from Heine's poem of the same title; they go like this:

In beautiful May, when the buds sprang, love sprang up in my heart:
In beautiful May, when the birds all sang, I told you my suffering and longing.


Listen to it, really. It's a curious piece. The piano is sad and full of longing and regret and sadness and could almost be a nocturne. Then the voice comes in. He sounds so sure and happy and sincere, so dramatic, and as he sings his happiness and passion he even brings the piano with him to a happier place. But it falls back into the pain and longing as soon as he stops, the background becomes uneasy and unsure without his thoughts. It ends that way.

He confesses his love and all the suffering and longing this spring. Perhaps he is rehearsing these lines in his room in front of a mirror and the uneasy background is his thoughts. Are his feelings reciprocated? Will he be rejected? He fears risking his heart.

Or perhaps the uneasy piano is reality. At last he has mustered the strength to request a rendezvous with his love interest, and confesses, I imagine, in the shade of a tall, old tree, in a field; though the skies are blue and cloudless, and it is a bit uncomfortably warm, the beautiful day has turned bitter by rejection. She doesn't give a response, but he already knows the answer; she hesitates a little too long, her face is frozen too long in surprise to express happiness. She opens her mouth at the final cadence, but it is not going to end happily.